It has taken me weeks to write this post, not because I didn't want to share my journey with my readers or explain to you how hard learning to let go has been for me...I actually just could not find the words to express truly how I felt. So I will do my best...
This year has been filled with change and learnings for me. When I decided to train for Tri-Fitness 2013, I was so motivated to take on this huge goal despite the fact that I had given birth 8 weeks prior to our first training session. Despite having a newborn, I was genuinely excited to jump out of bed at 5am for training because I had a goal! Over the course of 12 weeks I trained intensely, learned to diet down while breast feeding and sacrificed a lot of headspace thinking about competing. To make a long story short..I woke up one Sunday morning 10 weeks away from the competition, knowing in my heart that I was done. There were many factors that played into this decision but the ones that really weighed heavy on my heart were my family,health and friendships.
I had started to feel so depleted from training and the diet that I was no longer able to be present for what others were going through. One of the things I love is bringing encouragement and inspiration into people's lives. The meal plan I had chosen to follow was not the right one for me due to everything that was happening with my body. Breast feeding,hormones,Hypo-Thyroid, late night mother shifts ect. I started to pull away from friendships only due to the fact that I didn't have the energy for them. When you stop doing the things you love, your passion and daily enjoyment for life starts to fizzle. I was fizzling.
Anyone who has trained for competition or a fitness goal knows there is a lot of sacrifice in all areas of your life. And anyone who knows me knows I love having a full plate with tons going on. I love to train hard and I do make sacrifices to meet my fitness goals...It's what I love. But all things need to be done in moderation and with a healthy attitude. Due to my crazy schedule of being a new mom, running after a two year old and getting to the gym every day to hit the weights, I started to realize there was little room for balance. Now all you moms out there who have trained for a competition 12 weeks post baby, my hat is off to you. Here goes honesty...It was not the right time or the right decision for my family. I was holding unto two huge goals very tightly. Being the best mom/wife I could be for my family or training for my first competition. I realized I need to loosen the grip and let one goal rest until I was ready to pick it back up. Making this decision was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I faced my ego, my fears of what others would think and something I hate most of all, letting goals go.
What have I learned? There are so many learnings out of this experience, some of them very personal and others you will see in my new training styles. I learned who I want to be as a motivator and coach. I decided to take a nutrition course and some practical personal training courses to improve my training and better serve my clients. The reason I became a trainer and started a blog was to inspire people to greatness and motivate them to overcome the obstacles on the road to health. Pushing yourself to a unhealthy point just to say you completed something is damaging not only to your mental state but also your physical health. Make healthy decisions that have longevity and realize that goals do change and it's ok. Will I ever compete? I do believe competing can be done in a healthy manner and I believe you should never say never. I will continue to live a life full of passion and love for health and fitness!
"Try not to become a man of success, but a man of value."
- Albert Einstein
Thank you to everyone for your support, encouragement and love!
and good luck to all the 2013 Tri Fitness competitors!